Thursday, September 8, 2016

43 Amoy (Minnan, Taiwanese, Hokkien) Chinese Proverbs!

Ahoy from Amoy! (modern Xiamen),

Amoy (Minnan, South Fujian, Hokkien, Taiwanese) Dialect is closest to the ancient Chinese spoken 2,000 years ago and even today is spoken in South Fujian, Hainan Island, Taiwan, S.E. Asia--and anywhere else Minnan folk have settled--which is just about everywhere.

These colourful Minnan proverbs (闽南成语 ) adapted from "Chinese Proverbs in the Amoy Vernacular", China Review, March 1887 are a window on the wit and wisdom of those who speak it! Though some are similar to other Chinese proverbs, quite a few are unique to Minnanyu. They cover the gamut of human experience, and though I explain some, most really need no explanation whatsoever--proving that we really are more alike than we know. I especially love #22, "to shut the stable after the steed's been stolen," and #24, the "smiling tiger", which is similar to our own "wolf in sheep's clothing." South Fujian has many proverbs about tigers because it was the home of the Amoy Tiger--the father of all tigers. The beautiful tiger to the right was on Meihuo mountain in Longyan, West Fujian.
amoy tiger south china tiger xiamen fujian longyan meihua mountain
To learn more about Fujian history, culture, food, etc., try my Amazon eBook Discover Xiamen. (2.99)

Enjoy Amoy! 
Dr. Bill 

1. “Middle of the 5th month”   Chhit géh poa, ah-à m chai sí. (Ducks don’t know they’re soon to be sacrificed to spirits.  (Said of wicked people who have no idea that judgment is soon upon them).

2. “Though dead, the eyes won’t close” 
Sì liau bàk-chiu m goān khoe  (The affair, though apparently forgotten, and over now, will turn up again to cause trouble)

3. “He’ll let people eat the flesh but won’t let them gnaw the bone” Bah, ho làng chiàh; kut, m ho lang khoè.  (That man will let people speak ill of his friends, but only up to a certain extent)

4. “To spread the best shellfish on the top, and water the oysters well.”
Pho’ biu thau, chìm chui   (Tricks of the trade--still common to this day)

5. “A tortoise in the drain.”  Am-knàng-ku   (A man who rarely leaves his house, a book worm, etc.)

6. “If 3 short men enter a city, they’re sure to create a disturbance.” Sa oé jíp sià, bò hoán

7. “In 3 years, the child should be as big as the mother.”  
Sa ni, chí bú tiù
(The interest and principal shall be equal)

8. “A mouse transfixed on a cow’s horn.”
   Niaú chhú tèng-jíp gu-kak  (In a fix)

9. “If you don’t give credit, you can’t do business; if you do give credit, you’re ruined.” Bu sia, put seng tiam: sia-liaú, tiam put seng.

10. “To take shelter under another man’s umbrella.”
Png tang-i-hō-sòu ng   (To benefit at the expense or trouble of a man)

11. “A blunt knife brings out the workman’s skill.”
Tun to cchut tai chhiù

12. “When you’re a passenger on another man’s boat, you want the boat to go fast.  When you’re interested in any project with a partner, you want him to succeed.”  Che tang chun, ai tang chun chaú  (Like our ‘all in the same boat’)

13. “To eat the bread of idleness.” Chiàh eng bì

14. “There is honour amongst gamblers, but all tradesmen are rogues.”  Pòuh-kiaù lòng kun, boé-boē chat

15. “Too large for a beam, too small for a pillar.” Boē tsún fu, boē tsún thiaú   (Of a man or thing, unsuitable for our purpose)

16. “Barren land absorbs much water.”  Chhan yau sò chuí  (A lean man eats much.  Debts swallow up gains)

17. “What you earn in foreign parts you spend there.”
  Po-thau chiu, po thau eng.

18. “To bind up a girl’s feet just when she’s about to be married.” Beh ké, chiah pák kha   (Of preparations begun late)

19.  “After escaping from a highwayman, to meet with a tiger.” Chán chhàtgu-tiò   (Out of the frying pan and into the fire)

20. “To strike the gong after the thief has gone off.”  Chhàt khì chiah phah lo

21. “A handsome woman isn’t without some defect; an ugly one isn’t so in every respect.”  Chhin-chí bo cháp-chung, khiap-sì bo ka-nug.

22. “To shut the stable door after the steed’s been stolen.”  O-á-ki kek kui tong    (Birds of a feather flock together)

23. “If you lack the courage to enter the tiger’s lair, how can you expect to get the cubs?”
Put kám jìp hò hiát, ian-leng tek hò chù.   (Nothing ventured, nothing gained)

24. “A tiger with a smiling face.” Chhió  (A wolf in sheep’s clothing)

25. “To hit your own head with the hoe you’re carrying.”  Kiák pe-put, kakí kong hiàh   (The engineer hoist with his own petard: caught in one’s trap )

26. “To advance or retreat is equally difficult.”  Chin-thè liòng lan  (On the horns of a dilemma)

27. “Fresh or salt, he eats up all indifferently.”  Tin kiàm Chiák  bò kiam  (All’s fish that comes to his net)

28. “Iron sharpens iron.  Diamond cuts diamond.”
  Thih kong thih.

29. “It’s by drinking one little drop after another that a man at last becomes drunk.”  Pòh pòh chiù Chiak lang oé chuì  (It’s the last straw that breaks the camel’s back)

30. “In one ear and out the other.” Chìt ki-kang jìp chìt ki-khang chhut

31. “If you’re waiting to get the rice, it takes a long time to get soft; if you’re waiting to get married, the girl’s a long time growing up.”
  Tán bì oh noà, pán bò  (A watched pot never boils)

32. “He’s got ten trades, but nine of them he doesn’t know.”
Sìp gé, kiù put seng     (A jack of all trades, etc.)

33. “When the sun’s out, you should store up some provisions for rainy days.”
Chhat jìt, tiòh chek ho lai niu    (Make hay while the sun shines)

34. “To hit two at one stroke.”  Chìt phah siang kìok   (Kill 2 birds with 1 stone)

35. “The rice being brought by the chopsticks up to your lips, falls down after all.”   Hgeh kaù  chhuí khaù, chiah ka-láh  (There’s many a slip between cup and lip)

36. “A man who does not know how to sail about complains of the river being narrow.”  Bóe hiaù sài tsun  hiam khoe  oéh   (Bad workmen blame their tools)

37. “When you go to a country you must follow its customs; when you enter a channel you must follow its windings.”
Jìp hong sui siòk; Jìp kàng sui own   (When in Rome, do as the Romans do)

38. “To dive into the sea, to feel for a needle.”
Hài bong chiam   (To look for a needle in a haystack)

39. “Four eights are the same as thirty two.” Sí poch, sa cháp jì  (Six of one and a half a dozen of the other)

40. “His heart is greater than the tyrant Bong’s.”
  Sim kou khah toá ong Bòng
 (He out-Herods Herod).

41. “To be born in “Soochow or Hangchow, and to die in Quánzhōu, Fújiàn, is the height of good luck.”  Siu tì So-Hàang jí chiu.  Si ti Hokkien Choan-chiu.

42. “A good man kissed [struck] by lightning.”
Hó sim, khit laic him.  (Said of a man undeservedly injured)

43. “In buying and selling, one should be very particular; in entertaining, expense should not be thought of.” Boé boé sug hun sa Chhìa bo tun.

Enjoy Amoy!
    Dr. Bill
School of Management, Xiamen University


Amazon eBook "Discover Xiamen"
www.amoymagic.comBill Brown
Xiamen University
www.amoymagic.com

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Easily Convert any image format (SID, TIFF) to JPG, TIFF, etc (100% free!)

Hi from Amoy!

I just received an 80 MB SID image file--and had no idea how to open it. I'd never seen an SID file, and could not find how to convert SID files to TIFF or JPG formats. I tried many online and downloadable (contenta-convertor, for example) conversion programs but all failed. Some said it was too large, and others simply did not recognize SID files (even though they claimed to). And then I remembered my old favorite: IrfanView, which converts virtually any image format--and is 100% free!

I'd used IrfanView a few years ago and loved it, but it got lost in the shuffle when I upgraded Windows--and then I forgot about it. So I downloaded the program--and it didn't work. But then I downloaded the plug-ins, which covers every kind of image file imaginable--and it worked like a charm! It took several minutes to open the file (80 MB) but it converted it properly to an over 2 GB TIFF file! If it can handle a 2 GB TIFF file, it can handle anything you will throw at it.
convert any image format to any image format with irfanview jpg jpeg sid tiff gif

Best of all, IrfanView is free--and it does much more than just open any kind of image you have, or convert it. It has easy to use editing and drawing tools--and it runs on virtually every operating system there is, from all versions of Windows to Linux (using Wine) and Mac OS X (using Winebottler). The installer comes in 25 languages--everything from English and German to Chinese, Korean, Czech, Slovak, Bulgarian, Finnish, Estonian, Romanian and Arabic.

20 years after IrfanView's debut in 1996, Microsoft and Apple still can't come close to something as useful, simple and practical. So a big thanks to IrfanView's creator Irfan Skiljan, who hails from beautiful Jayce, Bosnia and now lives in Vienna. His site says he's received over 65,000 emails from grateful users, and as soon as I post this I'm emailing him too. As we say here in China, Xiexie! 谢谢!Irfan!

Visit his site at: http://www.irfanview.com/

Enjoy Amoy!

Dr. Bill
Academic Director, XMU OneMBA
School of Management, Xiamen University

Amazon eBook
"Discover Xiamen"
Bill Brown Xiamen University www.amoymagic.com

A Hubby Lobby for Hobby Lobby?

Ahoy from Amoy! (Modern Xiamen, China).

My wife loves crafts--especially card-making--and volunteers teaching to Chinese and foreign children in Xiamen (and retirees too). So each time she visits the U.S., she heads straight for Hobby Lobby--me in tow, of course. And I don't mind--much. I encourage Sue's hobbies. But....
Hubby Lobby for Hobby Lobby China Amoy Xiamen
Why on earth doesn't Hobby Lobby have a Hubby Lobby for husbands to sit while their wives wander the aisles of crafts, dried flowers,  and Christmas specials that come so earlier I'm reminded of a Dec. 26th newspaper that warned, "Hurry! Only 364 more shopping days until Christmas!"

And for you PC Police: Hubby Lobby" is not sexist profiling. I've seen countless men entrenched in the entryway awaiting their wives but nary a wife awaiting her hobby-smitten hubby. No doubt there are exceptions, but for the most part, Hubby Lobby fits the bill--plus, it sounds cool. And not just to me. Last time I was in Hobby Lobby, I tossed the idea to employees, customers and wall-hugging hubbies, and got hearty laughs--and thumbs up!--from all of them.

So come on, Hobby Lobby! Your store's about the size of Costco, so surely you could begrudgingly give up some space by the entry or along a wall or in a corner. It would make life easier not just for spouses but also children, elderly parents--perhaps even the shoppers themselves who might like a break or a place to exchange ideas with other shoppers (my wife is always exchanging crafty tips with other Hobby Lobby shoppers--which translates into more business for HL). You could even place a few hobby magazines on tables--and enlist a few more in your legion of hobbyists.

A Hubby Lobby would make Hobby Lobby more inviting for everyone. Please consider it, Hobby Lobby! I just saw on the news that big cheering crowds turned out for a new Hobby Lobby in San Diego. I bet more would cheer if they had a Hobby Lobby Hubby Lobby (or Hobby Lobby Lounge, Hobby Lobby waiting room, etc).

Enjoy Amoy!

Dr. Bill
Academic Director, XMU OneMBA
School of Management, Xiamen University 
Amazon eBook "Discover Xiamen"

Bill Brown Xiamen University www.amoymagic.com

Saturday, September 3, 2016

Koxinga: Made in Japan Chinese Hero (Mid-Autumn Festival Mooncake Game)

Frederick Coyett, Dutch Governor of Taiwan, Koxinga, Formosa, Xiamen, Amoy
Admiral Charles Elliot Opium War Lin Zexu Xiamen Amoy Happy Labor Day! We don't get off for it in China but on Sept. 15 we'll get a 3 day holiday for the most festive celebration in Amoy (Xiamen): Mid-Autumn Festival!

Xiamen's Mid-Autumn festival (Zhongqiu Jie 中秋节) is even more festive than Chinese New Year because locals play the Mooncake Gambling Game (bobing 博饼) that was invented hundreds of years ago by the Chinese hero Koxing (Zhengcheng Gong 郑成功) who kicked the Dutch out of Taiwan in the 1600s. Chinese are shocked when I claim I met Koxinga face-to-face and had lunch with him! I know--I don't look 400-years-old (maybe 300). Actually, I played Frederick Coyett, the last Dutch Governor of Taiwan, in the TV series about Koxinga. Koxinga defeated me in battle and then we had Chinese fast food together. But I won the next round...

My next role was Britain's Admiral Charles Elliot in a TV series about Lin Zexu and the Opium War--and I won that battle of course. Sad to say, the TV series was horribly accurate. Before I agreed to play the part, I researched the history, reading dozens of accounts from that era (by both Westerners and Chinese). Hard to believe that our "Christian" nations could have forced opium on China at gunpoint to an entire century! To learn more, read "Lords of Opium", a brief history of the Opium Wars that I wrote after reading thousands of pages of materials.

But back to Koxinga! He was not only a hero to the Chinese but to the Japanese as well because he was born in Japan to a Chinese father and a Japanese mother--a true Made in Japan Chinese hero! (Chinese didn't like that I put that in one of my books but it's true).

When Koxinga was a little boy, his father sent Koxinga sent him back to China to get an education because wanted his son to have what he’d never had: namely, lots of homework.

Koxinga became quite the scholar, but fought back against the Manchu who destroyed the Ming Dynasty. In fact, Koxinga was the last great hero to fight the Manchu, and his base was Gulangyu Islet in Xiamen. Even today, streets in Xiamen and throughout China are named Siming (思明), which means "Remember the Ming!"

From Xiamen, Koxinga sailed to Taiwan to kick out the Dutch, and when his troops got homesick, he tried to lift their spirits by inventing the mooncake game, in which you throw six dice in a porcelain bowl to win various sized mooncakes, from tiny cookies to large doorstop cakes (and each is named after a level from the Imperial Examinations).

Our boys loved the game so much that, when young, they cut mooncakes from cardboard so they could play the game year round.

Nowadays, the prizes are more practical than cakes--things like shampoo, towels, toothpaste and toothbrushes. If I ever miss a year of mooncake games, my dentist will be the first to know.

I like these practical prizes—in part because I don’t like mooncakes. A lot of young Chinese don’t like them either. They’re kind of like the Chinese version of fruitcake—heavy, and more suitable for doorstops or weapons than delicacies.

Oh well…back to work. I’m rewriting three classes, plus just finished an article for China Today (about Hainan—China’s Hawaii), editing a 140-page accreditation report for our School, and hopefully have two books out this Fall.

I hope you had a good Labor Day weekend.

Enjoy Amoy!

Dr. Bill

 School of Management
Xiamen University

Amazon eBook "Discover Xiamen"

www.amoymagic.comBill Brown
Xiamen University
www.amoymagic.com

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Red Envelopes in Red China! 中国红的红包

Mainland China Red Envelope Hong Bao stuffed with Chinese Yuan RMB Renminbi
Cash-stuffed Hongbao
Ahoy from Amoy! (Xiamen, China)

On special occasions (New Year, weddings, birthdays, funerals), Chinese the world over give Red Envelopes (Hong Bao 红包) stuffed with cash. It's very practical, helping newlyweds to avoid getting 5 thermoses, 8 blankets, 4 electric fans (well--that was 28 years ago; today wedding gifts are cars, apartments and wall-to-wall flatscreen TVs). And from day, one we've been astonished at how generous they are.
Chinese Christian-themed Red Envelopes (Hong Bao) with angels, dove, Jesus loves you etc.
During our first year at Xiamen University (1988), a retired university leader gave each of our sons a Hong Bao with 100 Yuan—half of our monthly salary! Money, of course, was not used much back then. We used ration tickets, not cash, for everything from meat, rice and veggies to cooking oil. But no one ever had enough rations. For 200 Yuan, our friend could have bought one months’ ration tickets on the black market!

Even the poorest Chinese give freely of time and money. The bike repairman who lived in the loft of his roadside tin shack repeatedly refused money. “It was nothing. Wait until a big problem...” It was humbling.

Christian Hongbaos Chinese Christians have their own versions of Hongbaos with angels, doves or hearts, often with Bible verses or “Jesus Loves You.” One seller on Taobao (China’s eBay) sends a free Bible to customers!

Chinese Magi? Over 1700 years ago, legends claimed the Wise Men who visited Christ were from the land of silk at the farthest Eastern country, which bordered the “Great Ocean.” That would have been appropriate because Chinese have certainly mastered the art of gift-giving.

Chinese wise men bearing gifts made in China nativity first Christmas 
So who knows? Maybe even the wise men’s gifts were Made in China! 
 Enjoy Amoy!

Dr. Bill

Academic Director, XMU OneMBA
Xiamen University School of Management


Amazon eBook
"Discover Xiamen"




Bill Brown Xiamen University www.amoymagic.com

EZ Homemade Wooden Pizza Dough Press!

Ahoy from Amoy! (Xiamen, China)
DIY Make your own homemade wooden pizza dough press

Since coming to XMU in 1988, we've made a tradition of making pizza every Christmas Eve (and many other holidays as well). We've even had Chinese TV crews film our pizza making (maybe they'll give us the Nobel Pizza Prize?) How I've wanted a pizza dough press, but even today they cost from USD 700 to 9.000. But I just made a great homemade wooden pizza dough press for only USD 25! With nothing but a small drill, hammer and screws, small hand saw, and wood glue, I made this very practical, easy to use press in only 4 hours.

If you have very basic woodworking skills, just look at the photos below and you'll see how to make it. The key is--make it strong! This is basically just a very large version of a wooden tortilla press, but it must be very strong to handle the pressure needed to flatten a big ball of pizza dough. The good news is--it doesn't need much pressure when the base and handle are so long.

You will need one 8-foot long 2"x4", a 17" long piece of 1" x 10", two 18" diameter round pieces of 1" thick wood (or square if you can't make it round), a 10mm thick 4" long bolt for the handle rod, two hinges, and lots of screws.

1st step: Place something between the two round (or square) pieces so they are 1/8"to 1/4" apart and fasten them together with two hinges. The pressure will be enormous, so bend the hinge over the top of the upper wooden piece and screw it on both top and side. It will never come apart!
Easy DIY Homemade wooden pizza dough press make your own

2nd step: On the opposite side, screw in the vertical assembly that will hold the handle. That assembly is made from 3 pieces of 2"x4" (two are 9 inches, the center piece is 3") that screwed together very securely (and wood glue on everything!) with 4" screws.

3rd step: screw a 17" long piece of 1" x 8" on top of the upper round piece (don't forget the wood glue). Let it cover the bent over hinges (I chiseled out two grooves so they lay flat). This is double insurance that the hinges won't fly off when you press the handle.

4th step: screw (and glue) the 1" x 1" x 7" strip on the upper round piece near the handle (this handle will hit this and press it down).
Easy DIY Homemade wooden pizza dough press make your own

5th: drill a hole in the handle (28" long 2"x4" board) and fasten it to the uprights with the 10mm 4" bolt. No need for a nut, or for it to reach all the way through, if you make the furthest hole a bit small and then force it in. It won't come out.

6th step: Make some pizza! It's large and heavy, but it has to be to handle the pressure--and it works beautifully. But some wax paper or saran wrap on the wood surfaces before placing the dough. Or better yet--we bought two 15" diameter silicon baking pads. The dough presses smoothly between them and comes right off (but you can use these pads to bake the pizza as well).

Again, I have no woodshop (not even a work table; I sat on the floor to make it), but it took me only 4 hours to make it, cost only about $25, and my wife loves it (and I love her pizza). See photo below for details (click to enlarge them).

Enjoy Amoy!

Dr. Bill Brown
Academic Director, XMU OneMBA
Xiamen University
Fujian, China 
Easy DIY Homemade wooden pizza dough press make your own

 School of Management, Xiamen University
Amazon eBook
"Discover Xiamen"


Bill Brown Xiamen University www.amoymagic.com

Saturday, August 6, 2016

How to Restore OneDrive Icon in Windows 10

Ahoy from Amoy (Xiamen, China).


Several times a day, my computer has frozen, and I've found the problem is "System and compressed memory", which for many minutes uses up to 45% of GPU memory. This is often related to using the internet but OneDrive also causes the problem.

 I don't use OneDrive (internet too slow here), but I could not disable it because the OneDrive icon was missing from the notification area. The Windows website said to disable OneDrive with the OneDrive icon in Notifications--but my computer didn't have that icon (even in hidden icons).

I found many people have this problem. Here's here's how to restore the One Drive icon simply so you can turn the thing off:

Restore OneDrive Icon: In the root of C: drive (C:\ ), type this command, and hit enter (BUT replace William with your own user name!!):

C:\Users\William\AppData\Roaming\Microsoft\Windows\Start Menu\Programs\OneDrive.lnk
 
The OneDrive icon will appear. You can then, in theory, disable it and click exit. 

As to how to solve the System and Compressed Memory" problem--it is a bugbear! There are so many causes for the problem, and the only real solution is getting rid of Windows 10, which is increasingly impractical. Very frustrating. I can't believe that Microsoft folks don't know about this problem. People have been blogging about it for at least 18 months. You'd think they could resolve it, but they're too busy adding new things (X-box, Weather, TV and Movies--which we can't delete) to bother fixing what doesn't work.

Oh well--on the bright side, with all its problems, Windows 10 works far better than Windows 3.0 or 8.0 (though I did like Windows XP).

Enjoy Amoy!

Dr. Bill

Academic Director, XMU OneMBA
School of Management, Xiamen University
Amazon eBook
"Discover Xiamen"
www.amoymagic.comBill Brown Xiamen University www.amoymagic.com

Friday, August 5, 2016

Easily Unlock Any Size PDF File for Free!

Ahoy from Amoy! (Xiamen, China).

I sometimes forget the passwords to large PDF files I use for my MBA classes at Xiamen University, and though many online sites offer to unlock them for free, most have you upload the file and only then tell you that there is a fee for files over 5 MB (many of mine are 20 or 30 MB). Very frustrating. They don't say this up front because they figure once you've uploaded the file, you'll just pay the fee.

But I found a site that easily, and for free, unlock any size PDF file (and remove the password): https://smallpdf.com/unlock-pdf

A warning--such sites are not designed for people to unlock files they don't have authorization for.

Also, this site may in time change. Many unlock any size file at first, but once they've established a reputation and clientele, but the 5 MB limit on files. But for now, Smallpdf.com is the best out there. If it too changes, let us know!

Enjoy Amoy!

Dr. Bill

Academic Director, XMU OneMBA
School of Management, Xiamen University
Amazon eBook
"Discover Xiamen"
www.amoymagic.com
Bill Brown Xiamen University www.amoymagic.com

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Find and delete duplicate photos in Windows 10!

Ahoy from Amoy! While working on my 15th book about Xiamen and Fujian , I found my computer had over 24,000 photos, mostly of China, and hundreds were duplicates or similar versions I'd cropped or edited. 

For years, I've sought a simple, reliable program to find and delete not just duplicate photos but also all versions of a photo (cropped, or edited), or even similar photos, but not even expensive commercial programs were  that reliable or else were awkward to use. But I recently found a completely free program that easily detects and deletes all duplicates or similar photos (edited or cropped, or different photos of the same scene). anywhere in the computer (you can also easily rename duplicates instead of deleting them). I found 8 versions of one photo I'd cropped and tweaked for various projects--PowerPoints, books, articles, etc. In one simple procedure, I deleted 100s of duplicate, similar or edited photos--and freed up several Gb of my hard drive.

Fuzzy Slider! Move the slider up to detect only exact duplicates; move it down to the bottom and you'll get edited versions (cropped, tweaked tints, etc.) or even 8 or 10 different photos of the same event (though scattered across the computer) so you can keep only the best.
Visipics Detects and Deletes Duplicate Photos even in Windows 10!


Over the past 2 or 3 years, I've tried everything, but the best is the 100% free Visipics! Click here, read all about it, and then click the download link in the left column (third down).

It says it's been tested for 32-bit Windows up Windows 7 but I can vouch it also works perfectly with 64-bit Windows 8 and Windows 10.

Enjoy Amoy!

Dr. Bill
Detect and Delete Duplicate Photos even in Windows 10!

Academic Director, XMU OneMBA
School of Management, Xiamen University
Amazon eBook
"Discover Xiamen"

www.amoymagic.com
Bill Brown Xiamen University www.amoymagic.com

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Warning! Fraud Phone Calls (Dell, Payday Loan, etc.)

Hi from Amoy!

The past year, we've received several fraudulent phone calls daily, including 162 claiming to be Dell Tech Support (they even know my full contact info and model of computer, so either Dell has been hacked, which they deny, or someone in Dell is doing this).

The Dell callers warn my computer has been hacked and they need me to contact them so they can go in and fix it.

Other calls include one this morning claiming to say I'm approved for  a Payday Loan of 1,500 to 10,000. The recorded female voice asks me to call her back at her personal number.

Fraud Numbers have included Payday Loan: 14693517852 , many numbers for Dell, and

Fraud! 18006249896
Fraud! 19174389273
Etc.
Bottom line--if you don't recognize it, don't answer it or return the call!

Enjoy Amoy!

Bill Brown

School of Management, Xiamen University
Amazon eBook
"Discover Xiamen"



Bill Brown Xiamen University www.amoymagic.com

Thursday, March 31, 2016

Euro-English (5-Year "Simplified English" Plan from Germany)

When the Queen of England revoked U.S.' Independence last week, she ordered Microsoft to eliminate it's Spellchecker's "U.S. English--but the Queen's own English is also being axed, or whittled down, thanks to Germany's 5-Year Euro-English Proposal. What goes around comes around. Dr, Bill, Xiamen Univ. MBA

Euro--English 5-Year-Plan (read to the end!)The European Commission just announced that English, not German, will be the EU's official language.  But as part of the negotiations, Britain conceded that English spelling had room for improvement and accepted a 5- year phase-in plan for "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards will have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl. 


Enjoy Amoy!

Dr. Bill Brown, Xiamen University MBA Center
Academic Director, SMXMU OneMBA

www.amoymagic.com

Queen of England Revokes U.S.' Independence!

Ahoy from Amoy!    
Neither Trump nor Hillary Clinton will be President. Given the mess, the Queen of England  revoked America's independence. Disbanding Senate & Congress is a good move, but I'm not keen on Microsoft eliminating U.S. English or having rugby, cricket and afternoon tea forced on us. But sanity requires sacrifices. (And check out the new Euro-English Proposal)

Enjoy Amoy! (caterer of Boston Tea Party).
Dr. Bill Brown, XMU

Queen of England Revokes U.S. Independence (original source unknown)
"To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

"In light of your failure in recent years... to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves … we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

"Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).

"Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

"Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

"To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
 -----------------------

"1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

"2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

"3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

"4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

"5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

"6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

"7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

"8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

"9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

"10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

"11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

"12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

"13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

"14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

"15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season."

God Save the Queen!

And check out Germany's 5-Year Euro-English Proposal. Even the Queen's own English can't escape the brains in Berlin and Brussels!

Bill Brown

Prof. of Organizational Behavior
Academic Director, SMXMU OneMBA, Xiamen Univ.
Xiamen University
www.amoymagic.com

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Official IRS tax return USD to CNY (RMB) exchange rate (2016)

Ahoy from Amoy (historic Xiamen, China).

It's tax time! Don't just guess at the official currency exchange rate for Chinese Yuan to USD. The IRS official rate works in your favor! When trying to figure out how much I'd earned here in Xiamen, China, and how much taxes I'd paid.  I Googled--and found that the IRS has a tax table for the major currencies of the world, going back for several years. In 2016, it is 1USD = 6.489 CNY.

And the IRS' figure worked to my advantage--much better than what I would have guessed the rate would have been.  Though they say that if you were paid throughout the year in the foreign currency, they'll give you a bit of leeway if you do the rate yourself.

Anyway--if you want to know the official internal revenue service currency exchange rate for your tax return, try this link for IRS Yearly Average Currency Exchange Rates!

By the way, whenever I seek IRS info, I get hundreds of links that are not IRS--and they can be quite tricky.  I've found, after decades in Xiamen, that it is safest to go direct to the IRS -- or some firm that is very reputable, such as H&R Block.  Whenever I've been really stuck, I've just phoned (or Skyped) IRS, and found them to be very helpful and patient.  The last one I spoke to told me that frankly, he did not know, but he searched while he had me online--a full 20 minutes, and was extremely helpful.  It was a good reminder for me that, while I might hate the idea of paying taxes, the people that work there are people!

And as a Chinese friend here said to me, the great thing about paying income tax is that you have an income to tax.

With today's economy as it is (30% unemployment in our hometown of Reedley, California), that is certainly the truth.

Enjoy Amoy!


Bill Brown Xiamen University www.amoymagic.com

Sunday, February 21, 2016

Solved: Windows Update Keeps Checking for Updates

Ahoy from Amoy!

Many people, myself included, have had problems with windows update in Windows 7 and Windows 8.  It says windows update checking for updates forever, but goes nowhere. There are many causes, but the most common is that the update folders get corrupted. There are 3 easy steps to fixing the windows update problem.

1. Stop all windows update programs.
2. Rename (or delete, if you're brave) the two folders with the windows update programs
3. Restart all windows update programs--then try checking for updates again.

Fix the windows update checking for updates running forever problem by typing these commands:

Open Command Prompt
1.  Click Start (or in Windows 8 or 10, right click the start button and click "Run")
2.  Type ‘cmd’ in the search bar.
3.  Right click Command prompt and choose “Run as Administrator”

Stop Update Services
In command prompt (big black window with white type), type these commands, hitting ENTER after each command:

net stop wuauserv
net stop bits
net stop cryptsvc

Rename the 2 Windows Update Folders
In command prompt, type these commands, hitting ENTER after each command:

ren %systemroot%\System32\Catroot2 Catroot2.old
     
ren %systemroot%\SoftwareDistribution SoftwareDistribution.old

Restart Windows Update Services
In the command prompt, type these commands, hitting ENTER after each command:
net start wuauserv

net start bits

net start cryptsvc

Exit Command Prompt and retry Windows Update. A reboot may help (though should not usually be necessary)

Enjoy Amoy!

Dr. Bill Brown 
Xiamen University
  www.amoymagic.com

Sunday, February 7, 2016

Solved: One or more internet protocols are missing & missing network protocol errors

Ahoy from Amoy! (Xiamen, China)

Windows 10 is far better than 7, but every few weeks, my notebook's WiFi won't connect and I get the message: One or more internet protocols are missing, or missing network protocol errors. It often, though not always, happens after Windows 10 updates.

I manage to fix it each time, but it's a pain. I click "Try these repairs as an administrator," and everything else, but nothing works. Once I restored the system to an earlier date, other times I fiddled with the registry. But I just came across the best explanation that I've ever seen for such a tech problem. It's a YouTube channel called HandyAndy Tech Tips.

His video shows, very clearly, step by step, how to resolve the problem. The first step is a no-brainer--check your cables. But the second is pure gold. And should that one fail--he shows you exactly what the fail looks like, and how to easily resolve it. It's a permissions problem; you just edit the registry. Be very careful here; type it wrong and you've a big mess. But he shows, very clearly, exactly what to type, and where to click. I've never seen such clarity in a tech explanation--and the 2nd step works without fail.

Of course--you can't get on the internet with your computer when it has this problem, so do as I did--watch his video on your cellphone and follow the instructions on your computer. Can't miss!

Thanks, Handy Andy! Again, Click Here for Handy Andy Tech Tip on solving this "One or more internet protocols are missing" issue. And give Andy a Thumbs Up while you're there!
[ YouTube Link:  https://youtu.be/G3DpeeXLSDM ]

Amoy Bill
School of Management, Xiamen University
Dr. Bill's Amazon eBooks
"Fujian Adventure"

Bill Brown Xiamen University www.amoymagic.com

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Merry Amoy Christmas and Happy Monkey Year in Xiamen

 Warm greetings from Amoy!

We had quite a Christmas in Xiamen in 2015. They get livelier every year. Some of the buildings had gigantic Christmas decorations, some of my favorites being the gigantic Santa Clauses climbing ropes up the side of department store walls--like red-suited cat burglars. We were also very surprised to see a beautiful, nearly life-sized nativity scene on our busiest downtown main street (Zhongshan Rd.) A non-stop crowd ogled it, taking photos. Who’d have thought of this in mainland China when public nativity scenes are often banned even in the U.S.?

Lots of changes in 2016. Sue will be busier than ever with her English Corner, ladies’ studies, and teaching  And I’m not going to do TV work in 2016. I filmed 329 episodes in 2015, which on top of teaching, writing and everything else, was a bit much. This year, I hope to spend more time on  teaching, writing two books, one being “Off the Wall" (about our 27 years here, and published in Beijing), and one about the Hakka city of Longyan in West Fujian), and working more with XMU's part of the OneMBA program. I add a photo of our granddaughter, Kate, who just celebrated her first Christmas. Hard to believe she’ll be a year old in two months. We hope we can see her before she goes off to college! She’s becoming quite the little lady. Matt's already teaching her to play ukulele. He sent a video. What a grin when she strums it (Matt holding it for her, of course).

Enjoy Amoy!

Bill and Sue Brown
Dr. Bill's Amazon eBooks
"Discover Xiamen"
"Fujian Adventure"

Cartoon from my nightly TV program on Fujian's HXTV




Bill Brown Xiamen University www.amoymagic.com

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

8778413509 -- SCAM! (Phishing fraud ) Report to FTC!

Greetings from Amoy!

While in the U.S. recently, I got a robocall from  8778413509 saying "this call is in regards to the security software that we were installed on your computer last year. Now we see a red flag on our and saying that there is a security breach on it.. Please call 8778413509 .."

DO NOT CALL THEM! I don't have their so-called security software, so obviously it is fraud--probably a phishing scam to get into my computer. And please, ASAP, report fraudulent phone calls and scams to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC). The link is at the bottom of this post.

Amazing how many fraudulent emails and phone calls I get (and here in Xiamen, China as well; even the police fall for them). And amazing that scams like this phone fraud are allowed to continue (they've been using this same phone number for awhile).

NEVER reply directly to an unsolicited phone call or email--or give any personal information to anyone that phones you. If you recognize the company, hang up, find the official phone number, and then phone them. I've had friends and family ignore this and face big consequences.

CLICK HERE to report phone scams or fraud to the FTC!!

Click Here for FTC info on Tech Support Scams
FTC Phone Support Counselor: 877-382-4357

 Enjoy Amoy (Xiamen's historic name), with Discover Xiamen.

Dr. Bill's Amazon eBooks

Bill Brown Xiamen University www.amoymagic.com

Saturday, January 23, 2016

BEWARE! Chase Fraud Alert Credit Card Fraud activityconfirmation.chase.com

Today I received an email from "Chase Fraud Alert" warning Confirmation of Recent Account Activity - Unable to Contact - Please Call

The Fraud Alert is a FRAUD, even though it linked to a legitimate--looking website, activityconfirmation.chase.com  and had the last 4 digits of my card. It gave the phone number to call, but also said I could phone the number on the back of my card.

I read online and various sites say this is legitimate, but it is a fraud. I did phone the number on my card, and Chase said the other number they gave is NOT Chase, and there was no problem at all with my account.

I'm pretty good at catching Phishing Attacks, but this one was really persuasive. A good reminder: never, ever phone the number sent to you in an email, or give info if you are supposedly phoned by a bank or any other group. Always call back, and only to a number you have in advance.

Be safe--and Enjoy Amoy!

Dr. Bill Brown
P.S. Try my books on Amazon.com !  "Discover Xiamen"  or "Fujian Adventure"

Below is the message I received:
 
Dear William N Brown:

As part of our commitment to help keep your account secure, we routinely verify activity that seems unusual based on your general account usage. We called you to help us verify recent activity, but we weren't able to reach you.

If we've already spoken with you about this recent activity, there's nothing you need to do at this time. Otherwise, we ask that you please call us immediately:

  • You can reach us at 800-772-XXXX (deleted so none dials it!) from the U.S. or Canada, and a fraud advisor can assist you.
  • Or, if you prefer, just call the number on the back of your Chase Freedom® card.
  • Internationally, you can call us collect at 480-902-XXXX (removed so no one dials it!)
We are here to assist you anytime. Your account security is our priority. Thank you for choosing Chase.

Sincerely,
Chase Fraud Department

Is your contact information current? Make sure we can reach you if we notice suspicious activity on your account. Update your information by logging into your account at http://www.chase.com/



Bill Brown

 Xiamen University

www.amoymagic.com